Below, find (quite literally) every thought I had while watching Mother Mary:

1. Why does Anne Hathaway look like Toni Collette in this movie?
2. To be clear, that’s not remotely a bad thing.
3. I want Michaela Coel to say to me: “You are a tumor.”
4. OMG, this sparkly lid!
5. Does Hathaway do her own singing in this movie?
6. Wow, I googled it and: yes!
7. I mean, let us not forget, she’s got the pipes.
8. If Anne Hathaway actually rebranded as a Lady Gaga-style pop star, I would be…the happiest girl alive.
9. This particular song she’s performing isn’t really giving “chart-topping banger,” but I have faith.
10. Oh, I’m getting a lot of Black Swan from this movie already.
11. And you’ll never catch me complaining!
12. I’ve always liked Anne Hathaway blonde, ever since Rachel Getting Married (a perfect film, in my opinion, if not a perfect dye job).
13. OMG, Hunter Schafer!
14. All this drama over a dress…Met Gala boots!
15. Mary once wore raw honey down the red carpet? So meat dress-core.
16. Also, it fights infection!
17. God, the chemistry between Hathaway and Coel simply rocks.
18. “No halo.” “At all?” LOL.
19. All right, this soundtrack is officially starting to bang.
20. Which makes sense, since Charli XCX, FKA twigs, and Jack Antonoff are behind it.
21. I guess Antonoff needed to change up his SEO this week!
22. Ooh, pop star beef.
23. There’s room for everyone, girlies!
24. OMG, Michaela—whose character’s name is actually Sam, sorry—doesn’t listen to Mary’s music?
25. Burn.
26. Oh hell yeah, a little impromptu choreo.
27. Shit’s getting weird!
28. I love how nonplussed Sam is by this weird semi-dance, semi-collapse.
29. Oh, now this is a bop!
30. “You’re obliterating yourself.” Woof.
31. It’s crazy that we’ve essentially been in this one room for the entirety of this movie.
32. I appreciate how seriously Sam takes her mission of bringing pop music costumery to life.
33. An interesting question being raised: who owns a dress more, the person who makes it or the person who wears it?
34. “I liked how it felt when you dressed me.”
35. Are thinks getting…gay?
36. Sam really said: “I needed to lose you to love me.”
37. I love how British people say “telly.”
38. This dynamic is kind of reminding me of the relationship between the pop star and the assistant/protagonist in Zadie Smith’s Swing Time.
39. Crying, accessing the sublime, and fleeing before the encore at a pop diva’s concert…Sam, you’re so relatable for this.
40. Okay, not so much with the tooth removal, though.
41. Ah, okay, fantasy sequence.
42. Ghost story time!
43. I do not believe that Sam ever stopped thinking about Mary, personally.
44. “Where do ghosts go when you don’t need them anymore?”
45. Okay, I’m rocking with this hint of The Craft-style supernatural weirdness.
46. Twigs working the extremely weird and scary role of Imogen, I must say.
47. Ew! Stab wound!
48. Kind of a sapphic one, too, if I may say.
49. Anne Hathaway bathing and bandaging herself in a clean white tub? Sure, why not.
50. Halo time!
51. Okay, my lack of love for concerts (except for Lorde ones!!!!) is extending to this extended Mother Mary performance sequence, I fear.
52. Oop, sexy ribbon-cutting time.
53. “Our house is full” does kind of seem like something that would work to get rid of a ghost.
54. Blood!!!!!!!!!!
55. Okay, this is a beautiful shot.
56. I want Hunter Schafer to describe a pop concert to me in full.
57. Damn, that dress!
58. I feel like it shares DNA with the James Holt one that Miranda Priestly hates in The Devil Wears Prada, a little bit.
59. Well, that was very…The Phantom Thread meets Heavenly Creatures, or something!
60. I mean, I did like it! But I have questions.